“What brings your wonder and joy?” I asked myself.
“I am not sure anymore.” was the answer.
This morning I was sticking ‘wonder and joy’ into the song, “Silver and Gold”. I had decided it was pretty dang sad that I don’t have a ready list of things I anticipate and ponder over. I used to be able to run a list of things I found interesting. I reveled in the absurd: why are there locks on 7 to 11’s when they are open 24 hours? Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways? The pursuit of answers to the absurd would bring me joy.
And then there was the getting to know people wonder. I was never good at asking the basic questions: “Favorite color, book, movie?” or “What’s your major?” My questions got to the heart of who people were. I wanted to know deep intriguing information. My questions tended to spark real thought and self exploration: “Who would win in a debate, Count Chochola or Boo Berry?” These are important questions.
There was a time that I was a very social person. As a kid my mother was often followed around supermarkets so that people could see my smile. I enjoyed people and they enjoyed me. Unfortunately, it became an expectation. I withered. I hid from it and I learned to enjoy the recluse lifestyle. It was safer. I am not so social anymore and really large crowds bother me.
What happened to my wonder and joy? Where did I go? As I drove the school bus this morning, I saw this 8 or 10 year old boy waiting for another bus. He was dancing a jig and watching a bug (I assume) on his finger. My heart smiled and then my face did to. As soon as it did, the High Schooler in the seat behind me smiled and told a joke. Several kids laughed and the wave of good mood crested the bus. IT was fascinating to watch the tension subside and the mood elevate. Priceless.