I am a fan of the movie, “Peaceful Warrior.” It feels to me like if a 12 step lesson and a Rocky movie had a baby. That baby would be best friends with this movie.
I am haunted by one scene in particular and it never ceases to make me shudder just a bit. IF you’ve seen the movie, you know the scene. Let me describe it. The protagonists life is falling apart, as lives tend to do from time to time. He hobbles out of his dorm room, carrying his cane. We see him entering a clock tower and then climbing out the ledge at the top. He throws the cane off the ledge. In the darkness comes another voice from the ledge. After some scary interactions, we see he is meeting himself on the ledge. But it is the former, cocky self. The young and dumb self. It is the self assured, blind to life self. It is the self centered and self absorbed self. The self absorbed self nearly pulls the hobbled self off the ledge. Suddenly, Hobbled Self tries to pull Selfish Guy back on the ledge and not die. He realizes that to move past his injury and his sludge he needs to let this guy fall. He needs to die to himself.
Selfish self yells at Hobbled self. He asks questions that really bother me. He asks, “Do you know who you are without me?” The answer is a meek but truthful, “No.” He bellows, “Do you know what you are doing?” Again, “No” is the reply. Hobbled self gathers his strength and lets himself go.
This scene haunts me. I ask myself, “Do I know who I am without my career or whatever trappings I carry?” Do I know what I am doing when I just try to BE instead of DO? Am I lost? Could I face myself and let me go?
The Grace I have been given is that I have been hobbled and faced my former self. I did have the courage to let go. I do know who I am. I would not wish the path I took to get here on anyone, but the outcome is glorious.
Whenever I think of that scene, another comes to mind…
“Where are you?” says the voice over.
“Here” says unhobbled, Hobbled Self.
“What time is it?”
“Who are you?”