Back to the joy and innocence idea.
I was pondering the difference between sex and making love. I think the words are thrown around and some characteristics and intrinsic value given to the concepts without any idea of definition. I think that there is a sanctimonious appreciation of making love, that it is somehow better than mere sex. It is thought to be less banal and dirty. I agree it is different, and I would rather be in a relationship making love than having sex. So, I decided to ask myself why. I embarked on trying to define what the words meant to me. Is it the difference depicted in romantic comedies vs soft core porn? Is it whether you are in the bedroom or not? Is it simply based on if you do something kinky?
I think it simply is based on the relationship. Let me explain. I think our sex lives reflect our relationship. I think that if the relationship is rigid and over controlled, then perhaps the sex will always be in the bedroom and without spontaneity.
Side story: I once saw a young girl for abdominal pain. I asked if she was sexually active and she reported she was not. I did a pregnancy test anyway and it was positive. I asked her why she said she was not sexually active. Her reply: “I am not active, I just lay there.”
Perhaps her relationship was reflected in her sex life as well. I can see a lackluster, stagnant relationship. When I hear of love lives losing the desire or zeal I think about this girl. When I hear of sex becoming a chore or a task, I think of this girl. I think this is when making love becomes sex.
Now imagine a relationship built on honesty. Imagine a love life growing from connection, fear, love, fun, growth. Imagine exploring hearts, minds, souls, and then bodies. The physical becomes an expression of the love. I think you can only make love in a relationship if you are living love. Otherwise, its sex.