“Sure, I believe.” I answered. I had been asked if I thought God could restore me to sanity. I was being asked if I was willing to say and live out the Truth that God is everything. It seemed like an easy answer. I don’t see science/reason as the opposite of Faith. I see them as complimentary. I see them as both necessary parts of a mysterious whole. It was easy for me to say the words. I truly thought I had Faith down to a science. I was certain that God had saved me from myself. I figured God blessed me with my family, my career, my business, my friends, my life in general. I really had it all, but I was dying on the inside.
I really wanted to be a guy that lived a life of “God is Everything.” As things flittered away, I responded with Faith. As I suffered the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, I accepted my mistakes. I prayed. I saw little evidences of God in voices of others. I kept getting back up when I was knocked down. I felt guilty when I doubted. I doubted often.
I asked God for help often. I asked Him to show himself. I prayed like “Bruce Almighty.” “Show me a sign.”
I drive a school bus. I had 63 High Schoolers on the bus. I was not a nice guy that day. I was restless, irritable, and discontent. I yelled and barked at everyone. After dropping them off, I headed to the Elementary school. They were in for a tongue lashing. Someone had done the unforgiveable sin the day before and left a juice box on the bus. I fumed. However, I prayed. “God, show up, now!”
A third grade girl got on the bus first. She tromped up the stairs and put her hands on her hips. She appraised me and said, “Hey, where is your smile?”