RSS

love and grenades

11 Jan

Time went speeding past, a brief thought, a leap.
The grenade found its’ mark. Then time froze. It crept along.
Each fragment had a different path, a different story.
Each piece of the whole would need to be followed, watched, loved.
I am falling pieces.
I am fragmented.
The whole is there, the whole can be found, but not right now.
I panick to super glue the pieces together. I scramble to pick them up, examine them, and replace them.
I looked at the piece that represented my occupation and try to speedily consider it. I looked at the frayed edges. I examine the burns and the scars. I try to decide if it fits in the puzzle anymore. I am looking at one side of the piece. I don’t see the joy. I don’t see the connections. I don’t see the gift. I even resent it as a scattered piece.
I leap to catch the piece of financial security and my ‘stuff’. I over-value its’ importance. I am comfortable with it. It feels safe. It feels weighty. I also see the ugly side. I feel guilty for what I have. I feel deserving and sanctimonious. I see that to have it, I made an agreement to have to earn it, to pay for it. The resentment of feeling trapped by my occupation is only self directed.
I consider the castles I have built, the treasures I store up.
I see friendships.
I see family.
I see possessions.
I see myself.
I see who I think I am. I see who I think I am becoming. I see hurt and dissapointment. I see insecurity. I see lies. I see the black ooze of time and love wasted. I see the dissonance of dreams unrealized and surrendered. I see the desire to grow. I see the direction of life abundant. I see loving. I see caring. I see tenderness. I see vulnerability. I see talents and gifts. I see my smile. I see my joy.
I see you.
I see the piece of love falling nearby. I reach to grab it, to hold it, to contain it. It is light as a feather and flits away. It swoops in the wind of the grenade and of my need to hold on tight. It avoids my yearning. As I sit and watch it flittering and fluttering, I smile. I laugh. It can’t be owned or held. It should be free and lite on my pieces. It should be light. I can’t grab it, and when I try it is in more turmoil. But I want it all. I want to feel its’ joy and freedom. I want to be safe and secure.
I don’t want to be alone. My desperation stirs the wind and love circles again. Again, I smile. Again, I laugh.

Love is that missing piece that is only there when you don’t hold on to it.

Advertisements
 
3 Comments

Posted by on January 11, 2014 in faith, Uncategorized

 

Tags: , ,

3 responses to “love and grenades

  1. Susan Irene Fox

    January 11, 2014 at 1:04 pm

    Lovely, softly hitting the mark of my own soul. Love is also like a raindrop that lands on your skin and melts into it, absorbed into the fiber of your being, unaware.

     
  2. Billie K

    January 11, 2014 at 1:27 pm

    love its always there even when its gone…I got myself a bracelet today it says Let IT GO begin today surrender your fear nurture your soul…a gentle reminder to me as I feel all of the love I have and have had surround me ….:) I smile

     
  3. Debbie

    January 11, 2014 at 6:46 pm

    So well said! Thankfully as seekers we are not always in control :0) I’m sure incredible beauty will come as God continues the work He has started!

    Sent from my iPhone

    >

     

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

 
The Shameful Sheep

shit storms, shame, and stories that make you cringe

What Gives?

Big ideas in a tiny body

extraordinaryappreciator

Wandering in my wondering...

shellbegly91's Blog

A modern business theme

Lessons From the End of a Marriage

A "How to Thrive" Guide After Divorce

Connecting Dots...to God

Theology in Context

K E R M I T ' S space

Life is JUST RIGHT

Beautiful Life with Cancer

Discovering the Gift

Globe Drifting

Global issues, travel, photography & fashion. Drifting across the globe; the world is my oyster, my oyster through a lens.

Handcuffs Hurt

Dan Madden

brokenchristianheart

This blog reflects the thoughts, feelings and confusion of a christian woman going through a divorce and the thoughts post-divorce.

Chronicles of Jazzmine Bankston

"If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world."-C.S. Lewis

Storyshucker

A blog full of humorous and poignant observations.

Lydia Robbins

Hold on, let me write this down

HASTYWORDS

Turning Tears & Laughter into Words

Unshakable Hope

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you will abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” (Romans 15:13)

%d bloggers like this: