RSS

hmm, sometimes a whisper screams

13 Mar

OK. lets chat awhile about answered prayers. I have known people that say all prayers are answered and sometimes the answer is, “No”. I have known people who firmly believe that God will listen to all the prayers. I have heard people say it is ridiculous think that makes sense. I have thought about prayer as an opportunity to talk to God, to commune with the Creator. Alternatively, I have also thought that prayer is me talking to my invisible friend.

I pretended for years to pray. I said great things and suggested I pray at meals and with my ex wife. I would assume a caring look and falsely reassure someone that I was praying for them. It was a wonderful tool to get people to stop talking and be grateful to me at the same time. I used it as a conversation ender and an image builder.

And still, I was doing it. I did foxhole prayers for a long time. “Please God, get me out of this mess.” I prayed for new cars, financial success, etc etc. I treated God as a vending machine. I put in money for charity and the donation plate, and I expected goodies out the bottom. I was kind of pissed when I didn’t get what I wanted. I used it to help me question God’s existence.

I tried to pray to bring the wrath of God upon others. I prayed for car accidents and financial ruin. I urged God to give people their come uppance. I am embarrassed to say that I tried to manipulate God to do my bidding. I tried to hire God as my Holy Hitman. I was pissed that he didn’t gleefully take the job.

Seven years ago, I finally uttered the first honest prayer of my life. “Help me.” It was all I could get out. I was dead spiritually and emotionally and hoping to die physically. I was shattered. God answered by surrounding me with other people who screamed the same prayer at some point in their life. “Be careful for what you pray for, you might just get it.” Aesops fables.

I prayed to see where God wanted me. I prayed to be content. I prayed for humility. I prayed to be true to myself and to God. I prayed to be honest and open and real. I prayed to God to help me in my unbelief. God answered. I didn’t see it for a long time. I am not sure I really even see it now. However, I have been treated to the opportunity to be humble and avoid humiliation. I have had to be brutally honest. I have seen and heard doors closing. I have been in a situation that there is nothing else to do, where I have to just be. God answered

Advertisements
 
2 Comments

Posted by on March 13, 2014 in faith

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

2 responses to “hmm, sometimes a whisper screams

  1. Susan

    March 13, 2014 at 11:26 am

    As always, I love and appreciate your authenticity. I can relate to it, too, as I suspect most, if not all, of us can.

     
  2. Susan Irene Fox

    March 13, 2014 at 5:07 pm

    Yep, I think we’ve all been there. It’s the “being” with Him that matters. I mean, we can’t hear Him if we’re doin’ all the talkin’. 😉

     

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

 
The Shameful Sheep

shit storms, shame, and stories that make you cringe

What Gives?

Big ideas in a tiny body

28 and Counting...

Instructions for living a life: Pay attention. Be astonished. Tell about it. -Mary Oliver

extraordinaryappreciator

Wandering in my wondering...

shellbegly91's Blog

A modern business theme

Lessons From the End of a Marriage

the Middle of Healing and the Beginning of a New Marriage

Connecting Dots...to God

Theology in Context

K E R M I T ' S space

Life is JUST RIGHT

Faith, Hope, Love, Serve | Shine Your Light

There is something inside me that has made me new and set me free

Beautiful Life with Cancer

Discovering the Gift

Globe Drifting

Global issues, travel, photography & fashion. Drifting across the globe; the world is my oyster, my oyster through a lens.

Handcuffs Hurt

Dan Madden

brokenchristianheart

This blog reflects the thoughts, feelings and confusion of a christian woman going through a divorce and the thoughts post-divorce.

Chronicles of Jazzmine Bankston

"If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world."-C.S. Lewis

Storyshucker

A blog full of humorous and poignant observations.

Lydia Robbins

Hold on, let me write this down

%d bloggers like this: