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worry bites

24 Mar

Worry. Anxiety. Nervous. Scared.

This week I will begin a new career. I have been trying very hard to get a foothold and jumpstart since the divorce. As I mentioned before, I had to wrestle with losing all I knew. I left the house we had lived in for more than 10 years, I divorced, lost my business and career. I was estranged and severely alienated from my kids. Many friends and some family shut me out of their hearts. I moved towns. I applied for more than 500 jobs. I got a PhD in Christian Counseling and a Master’s in theology. I earned my class B CDL. I volunteered as a counselor for awhile. Then I decided to apply for a license to be a substitute teacher.

Suddenly, traction. I got an interview and a job before the license came through. I am on my way to a new life, a new career. Wow!

excited, renewed, refreshed, delighted.

I am all over the board here. I have gotten used to this bizarre existence I have. I enjoy driving the school bus. I am content in my home. I have a great AA group, and wonderful friends. My younger brother is here and is my best friend, really. Things are getting a little better with my youngest daughter. I have great friends where I am headed as well. I have family there. I grew up there so I have connections. I am totally estranged from my oldest daughter. My ex-wife is NOT there. I have a chance at a do-over there.

“Walk on right side of road, ok, Walk on left side, ok. Walk in middle–squash, like grape.”

I woke up this morning worrying about it. I couldn’t figure out how to feel. Another definition of worry is when a dog grabs another by the throat. It will hold the other dog down until it submits. I imagine snarling and drooling. I also imagine the dog’s shackles raised and the tail waging with the delight of a bully.

The dog of life worried me. It held me down. I smelled the hot fetid breath. I felt the warm drool. The snarling echoed in my ears. I panicked. I struggled against it. I wrestled and whimpered.

I submitted this morning. I thanked God. I told God I will go where he sends me. I focused on the good things that are happening and the wonderful relationships that have developed in my life. I delighted. The drool stopped running, the snarl silenced, the teeth released me.

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4 Comments

Posted by on March 24, 2014 in journey, life

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

4 responses to “worry bites

  1. Susan Irene Fox

    March 24, 2014 at 12:34 pm

    Keep breathing. He is with you even when you are not aware that He’s there. Fending off the dogs, the fear, the discomfort of the new. He is the air you breathe, your daily bread, your living water. Look around and see Him. Feel His warmth inside you. Remember. And breathe.

     
    • iamnamed

      March 24, 2014 at 1:17 pm

      thank you very much

       
  2. Marlene Seloover

    March 24, 2014 at 9:42 pm

    A new chapter is beginning…you are BLESSED!

     
  3. preciousmeja

    March 31, 2014 at 6:54 pm

    I will miss SEEING you when I got the chance. “The Secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new.” -Socrates

     

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