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again

21 May

It is an odd day for me. It is 2 years ago today that I initiated the actions that would eventually end my marriage, my family, and my career a month ago. I had not even realized the character defect that would rear its ugly head. It did, and it devoured me. The teeth pierced my heart first. I felt the egress of vitality. I felt the blood soaking my shirt, warm and sticky at first, then cold and foul. I staggered and stumbled. I faltered and weaved. The damage was great. The tissue was macerated. I tried to repair. I tried to salvage. Salt was poured on my wounds. Despite the obvious pain, I was taunted and humiliated for my injuries. I was the Tinman without the crunchy outside.
The teeth chewed my brain. The teeth had metal fillings that caused a disruption in the electrical circuits in my brain. I was dumbfounded. I couldn’t think clearly. I was lobotomized. I needed a jumpstart, but there are no cables for that.
My spinal cord was severed. I couldn’t move. I also couldn’t stay where I was. The teeth loomed. I flopped around like a fish, trying to get free. The teeth tightened.
I was worried like a dog. I was held down by my circumstances. I would have to submit, to surrender. I fought some more. The teeth hurt. The blood poured. I felt the life leaving my soul. I died.
I was reborn. I stood up and accepted responsibility and the ramifications of my actions. I watched as layer after layer peeled away. I made amends wherever possible. I trudged on forward. I accepted help, asked for forgiveness, and fell to my knees (often).
Everything is different now: New city, new relationships, new goals, new career, new me. I have the unique opportunity to completely start anew. I am simply me!

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3 Comments

Posted by on May 21, 2014 in journey, life

 

Tags: , , , , , , ,

3 responses to “again

  1. joyceseah

    May 21, 2014 at 6:21 pm

    Reblogged this on Evermore.

     
  2. tyepagetye

    May 21, 2014 at 8:48 pm

    I am not so smart T, “damage was great”. teeth peirced.. wow.. warm and sticky on my shirt sounds messy. I didnt get it. i know you are a great writer but what is all this really….if someone was dumb like me…….what happened.

     
    • iamnamed

      May 21, 2014 at 8:54 pm

      My life blew up after I made some big mistakes. I tried to fix them, but consequences need to be paid.

       

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