I gave up the fight. I stopped trying to control the outcome. I left it up to God and stepped out in Faith when He told me too. I ceased fighting anyone or anything. Temporarily.
I don’t know why its temporary. As soon as I did, I got a new career and a job. The pieces fell together to allow a fresh start. I felt relaxed and happy. As soon as I let go, I got offered an interview and a medical license in Idaho. Things seemed to be ok—whether they went as I wanted them or not. Slowly, however, I have begun to think that I need to control things. I need to fix the chaos and do some tidying up my life. I need predictability and a plan. I need direction and need to determine that direction.
I have forced the issue and been discouraged when things get shaky. I worry about relationships, finances, and reputation. Instead of accepting things as they are, I have drifted back into thinking, “I could do that better, wonder why they don’t ask me how to run their business.” I have answers to questions never asked. I have solutions to problems that don’t exist. I feel unnerved and nervous. I react by trying to tidy up. (that’s just a softer way of saying I am trying to control things.)
I will let go again. I will remember how miserable I was when I fought to control everything. I will let things unfold as they are supposed to and not, necessarily, how I want them to be. I will live into the moment instead of regretting the past and worrying about the future. I will live. Temporarily.