“OK, God, deal the cards.”
For a long time, I felt like there were no choices and no momentum. I had forfeited a career, a business, a family, friends, a church, and any direction. I kept trying to put the pieces back together and to stand up again. I was repeatidly pushed back down, kicked, spit on, and the 98 pound weakling pieces were scattered by the beach bully. I rolled with the punches and kept the faith. I did the best I could, given the circumstances. I planted seeds in the sandy beach around me. I was grateful for the beach and the time in the scorching sun.
I became aware of the need to build a new puzzle instead of piecing together the old one. I took steps that I didn’t think would work and they did. MY next moves became clear and I marveled on how it had baffled me before. I left the sand and stepped into a whole new world. There is obviously growing pains, but I seem to be dramatically more adaptable then before. The surroundings are all at once familiar and strange. I am just ‘me’ for the first time in eons. I am not pretending to be something I am not for the first time that I can remember. I am not trying to be what someone else tells me or subtly manipulates me to be. I am ‘me’. I like ‘me’.
Then the call from the beach. One of the seeds is a sapling. Would I please tend to it? I feel a pull to follow through with it and I interview for a license in Idaho. Idaho grants a license if I will do some things. Those things cost $6500.
If I pay the money, then I need to consider the sand a real possibility. The job in Idaho becomes the direction I want to be going. IT would be nice to have that license and I am good at it, I have no doubt I will be of benefit to a behavioral health clinic. If the seller will fix the things in this awesome townhouse, then I could be in a position to buy it. I could rent it out if I move to Idaho. If I like being a landlord, I can do that indefinitely. If not, then I can sell it in a few years. If he wont fix it, then I can move out and find a place to rent. If the job doesn’t work out, I can keep the teaching job and continue this new adventure.
I prayed for choices and got them. Now I get to make them.