Went on a road ride today. I like mountain biking better. There is just something about cars that freak me out. I had a road bike before and road with a former friend in Farmington. We road down a big hill and I was terrified. The bike felt loose and the front wheel shook. I slowed to a crawl and was disappointed on how long it took to slow down. I traded that bike for new rims and wheels for my mountain bike. I got another one about a year ago. I enjoyed riding on the lonely and empty roads of Colorado on occasion. I have ridden here in Albuquerque along the Bosque. I enjoyed those rides. There are no cars on the Bosque trail.
Today, I road along the street, in traffic. I just didn’t like it. The cars came too close. The wind made me feel unstable. I felt out of control. I had to slow down and regroup. I yelled in my head. I cursed the road bike. I got back on the bike and held on very tight. The front wheel shook. I was even more unstable. I gritted my teeth and held on tighter. The cars passed by. The wind taunted me. I loosened my grip. I giggled at myself. I welcomed the cooling breeze. I finished the ride. Fortunately the last several miles were back on the Bosque trail. I liked that part of the ride.
I think I will stick to the Bosque from now on. At least I will for awhile. I need to be who I am within my means. There is pushing the limits and there is totally abandoning them. I wasn’t ready to ride the roads on a holiday traffic day. I knew it and ignored it.
I want to be able to do that on the ride and in my life. I hold on too tight. I try and control. I get afraid and forget to let God be in control. I wrestle with the handle bars. I shake and quiver. I argue and yell. I want to let God do it. I want to enjoy the ride. I want to laugh and play and grin. I want to enjoy the wind of change. I want to live into each moment that God has given me. And I will. With God’s help.
