scream, beckon, lose

18 May

The past screams, the future beckons. I lose today.

The past screams.
It screams loudly.
It reminds me of the pain.
It yells about the mistakes.
It screeches of failings.

The future beckons.
It slithers reminding me of the unobtainable.
It imparts fear of loneliness.
It creates tumult.
It fires up the anxiety of rejection, isolation, and incompetence.

Today is absent.
I miss out on the moment.
Shut out the screaming and beckoning and the whisper of today speaks volumes.

1 Comment

Posted by on May 18, 2015 in journey, life


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One response to “scream, beckon, lose

  1. lory howlett

    May 18, 2015 at 11:06 am

    Yes .. the future imparts fear of loneliness for me, too. Fires up anxiety of rejection and isolation.

    I am reading about attachment and abandonment issues. Science seems to say some of us are just wired / chemically balanced to be quite sensitive to these issues. I have friends who have experienced losses, too … and they had a season of sad, and moved on. My decades of loss and pain … I can achieve some measure of peace of moving forward … but the pain rears its ugly head when life becomes uncertain. Anxiety takes over. I am working for HEALING now, not mere understanding the where, why, how, when, what, etc. of my deep wounds.


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